On Friday, the Dunkin Donuts stock increased a shocking 54% after a re-branding initiative by their marketing team.
After conducting some market research, Dunkin Donuts discovered that 50% of their national coffee sales were coming from Beaver students buying an iced coffee in the morning. In addition, 45% of their doughnut sales were bought by Beaver students running late to class and trying to bribe their teachers into not giving them a tardy.
“We were shocked that our national sales were mainly coming from a small private school in a sleepy Boston suburb,” released the Dunkin’ marketing department in a press release. “But, you can’t fight the facts. After seeing those shocking stats, we have decided to re-brand our company. Our slogan has officially changed from ‘American Runs on Dunkin” to ‘Beaver runs on Dunkin.’ We need to appeal to our largest consumers!”
Dunkin’ will also be launching a new line of food and coffee products in 2020. They are now serving all drinks in cups with slogans such as “Pack the Dam!” and “Roll Beaver!”
They will also be making a Sage dining inspired line of doughnuts!