Breaking News! Study Finds 0% of Seniors Show up to School on Patriots Parade Day

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To the shock of the teachers, not a single senior appeared to school today on the day of the patriot’s parade.

“I showed up to teach my 8 am double advanced honors important difficult calculus class and no seniors were there!” Explained math department head. “I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

The rate of senior appearance has dropped to 0%, a stark difference from only 1% of seniors appearing on the day of the Red Sox Parade.

According to a study conducted by the Beaver Dam, 20% of the seniors are attending the parade, 60% are sleeping in, and 20% called in sick with senioritis, a plaque that has spread like wildfire through the senior class in recent weeks.

However, one senior, Nancie Waterbury, decided to attend school.

“I was the only one in all my classes,” Waterbury said. “I had to have super awkward one-on-one conversations with my teachers; but, there wasn’t a lunch line so take that.”

Who would have known so many people were Patriots fans?

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