Shocking: The Real Use of those Big Pointy Cement Thingys in the Courtyard are Supposed to be for Sitting

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The 3rd most technologically advanced facility in the world was completed last summer… Or fall… Or Winter.. Or spring. Yes, Spring. The construction concluded with the completion of the courtyard, at the same level as the D level. The innovative space is filled with hand-carved stone, this green plant thing called “grass,” and some awkward cement shapes. These cement shapes are in a long formation, and students are confused about their purpose.

“Oh, yes. I know what you are talking about. Oh, it’s confusing. I don’t know what those things are. Oh, I see them every day but I don’t know how to use them. Do I lie down on them? Oh, what are they? I am very confused. ” Franklin Douglass ‘21 commented.

Douglass’ confusion is valid. To solve the mystery, I took a team of scientists down to the Courtyard. They observed the Courtyard for many hours, taking measurements, pictures, and recording data. The concluded that those cement things are for sitting. Lead Scientist, Jeremy Pierce delivered his shocking data to us.

“I have come to the conclusion that these concrete articles serve to be employed by a pupil who lusts to lounge. In other words, you can sit on them.”

Pierce has made some wise words. After we all heard his conclusion, we all nodded and said “ohhhh.” You know. This cement chair/couch thing only adds to the innovation that is the R&D center.

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